Dating in today’s fast-paced, impersonal and technology-driven world can be brutal for anyone. Dating as a single mom under these circumstances is damn near impossible. You put yourself out there and in return (if you’re lucky), you get a stream of vague pen-pal-style messages and maybe, just maybe, you get asked out for “coffee” – wait, is this a job interview? And is anyone even looking for a real relationship, or am I just one of your “swipe-rights” that actually wrote back to you? It’s a form of cruel and unusual punishment that makes me want to hibernate on my couch underneath ten blankets.
I’ve been single for almost two years now. I’ve had a few short-term “relationships” in which I’ve dated one person for a period of up to three months, but mostly it has been a long list of first-and-only dates. These one-hit wonders were either horrible from the get-go, or throughout the date, things got progressively unbearable to the point where I’ve seriously considered faking a bathroom emergency or psychotic episode so that the date would be over and I could go back home to my couch and blankets.
While the dating pool can be bleak and there are certainly a lot of weirdos out there, I think there are also a lot of misconceptions about dating a single mom. I often contemplate telling guys before or after I meet them that I am a single mom, because I don’t want to be prejudged for a variety of reasons. Yes, I am a single mom, but I am also so much more than that.
I’d like to set the record straight and let you know that dating a single mom can be an incredible experience, but only if you are serious about finding a long-term relationship with a woman who is able to give love fiercely and selflessly. And in my opinion, that is the best kind of love.
Here are 6 Misconceptions About Dating a Single Mom:
1. She is looking for a guy to be her child’s dad.
As a single mom, I think it’s a common misconception that I’m looking for a guy to fill the “dad” role in my son’s life. This is simply not true. My son has a dad- a dad that loves him and spends a lot of time with him. I am looking for someone for me. Someone to compliment my life, to share amazing experiences with, and to make me happy. Yes, my son does come into the equation down the road, since he is the most important person in my life. So eventually I would want nothing more than for my future partner and my son become best buddies. But let’s just get through our first date, okay?
2. She is too busy with her kid(s).
Yes, single moms are busy. We are often juggling so many things at once that we don’t know if we’re coming or going, or if today is a school day or if it’s Saturday. Wait, what day is today?! But, because of all of this, we get things done, more than anyone else. Single moms can do almost anything and everything, and still make time for more. I know when it’s time to be busy in the kitchen playing my “mommy” role, and when it’s time to focus on myself by squeezing in a quick workout, and when it’s time to be a (future) “wife” and show my man exactly how much I love and appreciate him. In other words, I can and will make the time.
I truly believe that you make time for what is important to you. When someone makes excuses for why they can’t hang out with you, don’t buy it. They are simply not making the time, or they are choosing to spend their time on other things or with other people. #redflag
3. She is not serious about commitment.
This is actually quite the opposite. Yes, I was married before, and unfortunately it didn’t work out, but that does not mean that when the going gets tough, I’m just going to walk out the door. I know now, more than ever, what I want and what it takes to be in a committed relationship that can last a lifetime. The time for playing games is over. The only game I want to play is Candyland, with my son. Honestly, all I want is to find a serious man to spend my life with. I also know what is best for my son, and won’t allow just any man to get into my child’s life. And when I find this special person, I am ready to love them with everything I’ve got. How’s that for commitment?
4. Moms aren’t sexy.
If you think moms can’t be sexy, you haven’t met me! Or any of the hottest women in the world that are ALL moms… Gisele, Jessica Alba, Beyonce, Megan Fox, Britney Spears, the list goes on and on. I may have a no-nonsense appearance when I’m running around all day with my son, but I absolutely LOVE to get dolled up when I’m asked out on a special date. I love to show off my legs (that I work out so hard for!) in a sexy dress and heels, go dancing, and feel like I’m the hottest woman in the room. I know that I might not actually be the hottest woman in the room, but it’s an internal confidence that makes us moms feel sexy. So whether we’re dressed to the nines or laying next to you on the couch in yoga pants and a t-shirt, trust me, moms are sexy.
5. Moms are boring in bed.
Haha, no way no! As single moms, we know what we want and we are not afraid to show it. We know what we like and don’t like, and we aren’t going to waste your time. Single moms can have strong sexual desires that will increase intimacy in the relationship, and we know what we want from experience. Since I’ve been through a divorce, I’ve learned from it and done some soul searching. I know what went wrong in my past relationship, which means I am not making the same mistakes twice. When I commit to a relationship, it has to be worth the risk. I also believe that my passion will fill my partner with confidence because he’ll know exactly how valued he is. BOOM- not boring!
6. She may be bitter about love or “broken” from her past marriage.
False. The truth is that single moms know how to give selfless and unconditional love, which makes us better partners. We know how to love unconditionally because we give our love to our child like no other. My son means everything to me and I mean everything to him. My love, nurturing capability, and patience have all increased in depth because of my son. This unconditional and selfless love allows me to have an open heart and to experience the greatest form of love with my partner. So before you assume a single mom might have a hard time with love, give her a chance. If you give her a little time and treat her right, and there’s a strong chance that you’ve found a more loving and supportive partner than you’ve ever had before.
While men might not seek out single moms as their first choice in the dating pool, they shouldn’t be afraid or fall for the common misconceptions about dating a single mom. We are loving, sexy, and well-rounded individuals. We know what we want and we aren’t going to settle for anything less. We have a lot to offer, yet we’re highly selective, so our best qualities will shine the brightest when we’re with the right person.